The intenable emptiness of the absence of love

A love relationship is never eternal, that’s what makes every second of it so precious

Oh God! Time flies! It has been now 5 years since I am single. Being single again was the best thing to do after a traumatic relationship with myself and someone else.

I guess 5 years is long, but I personally don’t regret it even if I am longing to fall in love again with a “good and normal” guy. I don’t want my love to be taken for granted again everytime I give it away. No anymore!

I have been mainly single becuase I don’t want to be with the wrong person again. Better alone than in bad company. Yes, it is almost voluntarily. I has been 90% my personal and intuitive choice. I deserve someone who know what he want and that is looking for the same. He should be ready to give and to love without conditions ♥ as I am today.

I have been doing a lot these 5 years:

❤ 5 years of freedom to become whoever wanted to be.

❤ 5 years to heal and take care of myself.

❤ 5 years of solitude full of strong spiritual moments.

❤ 5 years of gratefulness to have eveyone and everything I have in my life.

❤5 years of grown, challenges and adventures. 🙂

❤ 5 years where I can see how much I have learn but still how much I have still to learn.

❤ 5 years of trying to find what I really want in my life. To find out if I want children and to start my own business one day 🤔.

❤ 5 years to mesure how much material things and immaterial richness I got in my life. Isnthat really important?

❤ 5 years of traveling inside and outside: Cuba, Mexico, Thailand, Indonesia, Iceland, Malaysia, Singapore, Philippines and South Korea and of course all around Norway, Dominican Republic, Belgium, Spain, Italy,… so grateful ☀️🙏❤

❤ 5 years full of self- love and but also a lot of meaningless one “night stands” and ” fuck and go” packages. Yes, sex can be good but also very boring and empty. Yes, we all need touch and physical contact but when it happens with authenticity and presence is even better.

Only a couple og times, I got the feeling og connection and feeling good with someone. Of course, those moments are so special and remind me for a little while how beautiful is to feel the “falling in love feeling again” even if you know it is just an illusion.

In my last trip to Asia, I met two cool guys from the Nederlands. One in Singapore, we have a couple of dates together via tinder. We have really good conversation and he was very inspiring. The second one I met him by coincidence in a hostel in Seoul. I always meet cool guys from Holand! Maybe I need to move there soon❤. There are really special and lovely people! Eaverything happens very naturally. No first sight love. He wasn’t my type and he didn’t make any special impact on me. I wasn’t his type neither but we were cool together. He was very social and friendly. We have something in commun, bouldering and hiking. Our first unconsciously “date” was in a climbing local in Seoul and then we went for a corean BBQ.

Two days after we went to one the beautiful mountains outside Seoul. The weather was terrible quite wet and rain but we both were 200% ready to go. That was my last day before leaving to a “temple stay retreat” for a meditation journey. So I didn’t want to miss the mountains. Picnic and msytical beautiful were weather. We couldn’t we nothing at the top but I was incredible romantic. So romantic and special that we kissed. And what a kiss! I don’t remember the last time someone kissed so slow and delicate with patience and delicacy almost without touching my lips. I wanted that moment to last forever. I didn’t want to open my eyes and just feel… it was a heavenly kiss. One of the best kisses I have ever have❤. I can still feel the beautiful sensation on my lips just when i close my eyes at this moment.

We were just going with the flow. Expecting nothing, evenni i could wish more, but enjoying everything in the present moment. We were wet and cold so I hold him close against me to get warm and it works! We got warmer together and I even felt some kind of atraction feeling his beautiful energy and bodyl, skin next to mine. An innocent moment of purify and in nature.

We manage to get back alive and we didn’t got lost. On the way down, there were public toilets and almost no-one was around around that day. So I have a nasty idea. I kidnapped him into the toilet and …🙈🤭🤪. And this time played with each others body with passion and precipitation. It was so exciting to be almost catched and just exploring and feeling the adrenaline level increasing, our hearts beating harder and harder. This guy have magic fingers and he makes me 💦. So exciting! So spontaneous! So delicious!so addictive! I wanted more🤭.

We were surprised how thing went so fast and then we decided to find a nice hotel with jacuzzi, because we were freezing cold, and spent my last 3 days together ❤. Three unique and magical days. We decided to be 200% present in the moment. We knew that nothing else will have after that. Eventually, a few days after this he found himself a new girl and now is traveling with her to Bali. Life is short, better to take risk and enjoy it. I would do the same in his place.

Three days sharing everything. Being able to be yourself and be crazy and spontaneous. Three days holding hands again, hugging, kissing everywhere. Sleeping hugging each other, spooning me. The most perfect spoon ever! We have not disagreements or disappointment just honest and deep conversations. A lot of food and hikes around the city enjoying the beautiful city of Seoul. I felt alive again. I felt loved and taking care of. He was a real gentleman. I was surprised and asked him if he was acting becuase it was so real. It felt I have a borrowed boyfriend for 3 days… and it was amazing. New bussinees idea: rent a boyfriend for a wkd!🤪

The last night becaure I left, we didn’t sleep. I was restless and sad to leave him. I wanted to stay and be love again and again. I cried and thought that it went to fast and that it was too wonderful to be true. It was perfect because it was a holidays love story. But I am happy because it happened even it it was so short but and intense.

It all was spontaneous, natural without stress or pressure. I wasn’t only sexual but an unique beautiful human exchange. When you less expect it that when the magic is happening. I have been waiting so long to feel this beautiful emotions again and I just want to feel it again.

Day dreaming

Thanks beautiful stranger to make me feel loved and alive again. You see a gentleman. Miss you! I wish you all the best!

A beautiful illusion ♥

In 5 years this one and a couple of other beautiful stories without tomorrow are the only beautiful stories to tell. Without regret. Sex and love can heal us when we are with the being with a person that is able to give all andnto take risk, to live as it was the last day, even if it is for a while.

Now one months after, I am grateful, happy and melanholic. This experience have remind me how it is to feel special. It summer and very one is happy and enjoying the sun in beautiful company but I don’t feel like going out. I am working like hell and I feel a bit depress and travellingsick.

I really miss to be loved an love again but I live in the wrong place and I have dating. I have been even invited to a “love matchmaking” called “Venus and Mars”. I will give them a chance but it seem that I have a challenging profile.

Yes, life is so fragile, beautiful but sometimes cruel as well. I feel pain from the absence of love and loneliness. My solitude and freedom loves me and I love them too but sometimes I want to be a “volunteer slave of love” and give away some of my freedom to feel the beautiful sensation of appreciation, attention, acceptance, intimacy, friendship and tenderness. Get lost in someone else’s body, breath, skin, fears and dreams!

I am not complaining. I don’t want to give up but sometimes I am feeling vulnerable. I am grateful but I was born to love and to be loved. I feel naked and fragile. I don’t want to continue fighting alone. I am 😫

This story have awaken the “Norma” that was hidden all this last 5 years. The one that is still afraid to get hurt and that is tired to only experience “boring and empty sex” with no connection or intimacy.

We all need love and without it we died slowly. Self-love is amazing but to have someone that cares about you and show it to you in different ways, is priceless.

So if you arein healthy relationship, please don’t take your partner for granted. You have one of the most valuable gifts on earth.

Don’t worry! I am just having a bad day. It will ve ok soon.

Have a wonderful summer 🌞🇰🇷❤

Norma Carpediem

2 Comments

    1. Amen to that! But sometimes one need someone to hug and share unique moments and emotions. I am happy alone but missing it ❤. Big hug

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.